8.28.2011

Monte Alban Mezcal

Monte Alban
Mezcal with Agave Worm
Sazerac Company
40% Alcohol (80 Proof)
There are certain things a person must do in this life.  
Eating an agave worm from the bottom of a bottle of mezcal is one of these things.  Some people probably disagree.  Okay, lots of people probably disagree.  But, they're a bunch of pansies.

A few months ago I bought a bottle of Monte Alban, pretty much the most popular, well-know, and widely available authentic mezcal.  That does NOT mean it is the best tasting.  I reviewed Los Danzantes previously, which is considerably better.  I am 100% certain that the major appeal with drinkers is that there is an agave worm (grub) in the bottom of the bottle.  Hell, that's exactly why I bought this bottle instead of a better quality one.  You have to try things at least once!

Now Monte Alban, like I said, is not the best mezcal.  It's actually fairly bland and unremarkable.  It is at least reasonably smooth for being kind of lame.  It comes with a packet of spiced salt, kind of limey, kind of like chili powder.  I guess that's for if you're doing the whole lick the salt off your hand shit.  Well, that's dumb.  

Anyway, For those of you who don't know, mezcal is NOT tequila.  It's made from a type of agave similar to tequila, sure.  But, it's a different sub-species of plant.  In addition, mezcal has a smokier flavor from being roasted over mesquite.  It would be almost like mixing a few drops of some smoky Islay Scotch in with your tequila.  Well, kind of. 


So, over several weeks I drank my bottle of Monte Alban down here and there, having my mezcal over a couple ice cubes or neat, because that's just how I roll.  When it only had 1/3 left, I took it camping with my wife and kids, and a bunch of the family.  They repeatedly talked about how the worm was going to be slippery and gooey, so that's what I mentally prepared myself for.  One night sitting around the campfire, I was the only person drinking mezcal.  Straight from the bottle... like a badass.  Okay, so I don't even remember if anyone else was even drinking at all, let alone straight from a fifth of liquor.  I probably looked like a drunk.  My sister-in-law had a brilliant idea of me holding the worm between my lips so she could take a picture of what a dumbass I am.  So, when I got reasonably close to the worm, I just went for it.  I chugged that stuff down.  Then I felt the worm in my mouth and tried to put it between my lips, poking out like a little shriveled cigarette.  But guess what?!  That son of a bitch was NOT slippery and gooey like I had been told! It was tough and leathery, and had these little prickly feet bastards that poked into my tongue!  Damn it!  Not what I was expecting at all!  The huge change in texture from what I was expecting freaked me the Hell out and I hurried and swallowed that stupid piece of shit worm.  God damn.

Later I saw the picture of me with the worm between my lips.  I looked like a little bitch.  No joke.  I should have chewed that bastard up like a tough guy.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.  Gotta try everything once.  


So yeah, that's Monte Alban mezcal.
Drink This: because you have to try eating an agave worm at least once.
Don't Drink This: if you are afraid of looking like a sissy like I did.  :(
                    
  

15 comments:

  1. Funniest story I've read in ages. Thank You

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  2. i had the same brand, once i got to the worm i bit it in half. As soon as you do your entire mouth goes numb from the sheer amount of alcohol it had absorbed.

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  3. just bought that and hell yeah gonna have fun tonight!

    thumbs up to your story man. its hilarious!

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    1. I realize I'm replying 7 months late, but I hope you lived to tell your tale of the agave worm!!!

      Thanks for the reply. :)

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  4. Last time i ate that little mud creeping worm I was stabbed three time s .for trying to break up a big fight.I beleive thats why i lived.good stuff .

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    1. Glad to hear a liquor-soaked agave worm saved your life! :) Hahaha...

      Thanks for the reply.

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  5. Lol, awesome review. Keep up the great work, I write this as I'm enjoying my Monte Alban mezcal...

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  6. HAD SOME AT A COLLEGE REUNION.GREAT STUFF.NOT READILY AVAILABLE IN TRINIDAD.
    AV RAMPERSAD/TRINIDAD.

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  7. ive been drinking a bottle and fully plan to chew well :D i was trying to figure what the hells in that spice pouch

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  8. Where's the picture, bitch? ;)

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  9. great read!

    i've eaten the worm a couple of times (swallowed -- not chewed) and occasionally use this as a tequila alternative for shots or liits (don't notice the strong flavor as much amidst all that other clashing).

    likewise, i had a picture and it was not the best.

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  10. One of my favorites but still not brave enough to put that WORM in my mouth! LOL!

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  11. Back in my drinking days - approximately one liver ago - my buddy Joe and I would go on "worm hunts". We'd make our way through several "watering holes" East of Cleveland, OH looking for bottles of Monte Alban that were 1/3 or less full....when we found them (and trust me...we found them), we'd belly-up to the bar and drink it down until one of us got the worm. We'd give it a little twirl on the tongue ("Urban Cowboy" style), then chew that bastard like a piece of "Freshen-up" gum (the gum that squirts when you bite it). Then it was on to the next bar. My record was (and remains) 5 worms in one night!! I kinda' miss those days; but, I don't think my liver does!! Kinda' miss Joe, too. Hope life has been treating you good ole friend!

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    1. Hi buddy it's Joe! I don't drink anymore... ended up with cirrhosis of the liver and am on dialysis every other day, so basically life sucks balls. Yeah, you were the work king if I remember rightly. My memories are a bit patchy from that time. After we parted ways I ended up on crack and was shooting heroin through my eyeball but now I just sit around doing nothing... occasionally I will we the bed and shit myself as I have lost control of a lot of my normal bodily functions. Adios dude! Hope your life is kick ass cos' mine aint.

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